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Those who are able to see beyond the shadows and lies of their culture will never be understood, let alone believed by the masses It never fails . . . whenever the rich, the powerful, the political elite get a real up close taste of the very system they oversee and benefit from, it suddenly becomes un-fair and biased" Stanley Cohen Freedom fighters versus terrorists Moral crimes versus violent crimes super hero script clara cuve tech germany creeds Regardless of the reasons behind this attack support it or not Just know People are displaced and killed as a result f it The Last Chapter Monday, March 13, 2023 10:59:30 PM It is getting late now, I am getting tired, and it bites because at one time I rarely got tired. Sunday, March 12, 2023 3:21:28 PM I keep forgetting about the time change today and I will have to reset the clocks. I am listening to this music created by Russian artist and it makes me wonder what it is like for them. Not all agree or want war or conflict but with lame ass leaders who hide behind the masses it sigh ah anger rage at men who are cowards using others and we all suffer I had goals but I guess the universe had other plans so and maybe those goals I had would never have been complete so I was set on another path. Who knows? The crows are all here now and I don`t know why but they make me so happy. Yesterday the older one dubbed Mr. scruffy was tapping his beak on the window to get my attention. Animals are smarter than what science once gave them credit for and we communicate. It is like the Russian music I forget it is sung in a language I don’t understand and yet it makes me feel and I forget. The barriers are sometimes what we create Saturday, March 11, 2023 11:06:19 AM Gray cool day I woke early but went back to sleep until 9 Sitting here quietly enjoying my coffee and I heard this tapping on the window. I looked out and there was the crow. So funny, it makes me so happy to see they are back and remember 6:35:54 PM The time has gone by fast today I was on social media and something showed up in a feed so I followed the links and connections. I remember some of the conversations with those people. The smiling faces, hollow words, and the harm caused by their inactions and exploitation of the poor and vulnerable. The things they would say about their colleagues and the very people they professed to advocate for I didn`t say anything and now I have no emotions regarding any of them but I think the truth of it should be exposed now. I guess I just believed that they cared too and wanted to make change and kinder softer places for people. Ah the illusions I held and my mis-perception of how things really were/are Sad in so many ways because of the upcoming generations Vilified is not a pretty feeling He made me laugh I needed this diversion A scammer from India just called to tell me there is an issue with the computer. I need to log in and work with him to resolve the issue ah (my smart mouth) so I say ok sure and than said damn that anonymous group are they playing again. They told me they fixed it and than I asked, if he has heard of anon and he said yes and hung up on me … 937-284-4407 I know some do it because they need a job but greed is another matter Thursday, March 9, 2023 2:27:01 PM I slept in late Today is so bright and sunny and I feel tired still Such a strange dream last night and it makes me wonder I came across some things I wrote back in 2018 and in some ways it is kind of cool because the doctor said the prognosis was not good. To think of all that has been accomplished in that time and the things I overcame in spite of the challenges. The palliative care social worker said I was incredibility strong and it made me laugh. I told her it was this innate dna code the desire to live sigh. I think humor and positivity helps a coping mechanism in the face of adversary really. Last week when Sarah was here, we sat talking, it was a gray cloudy day, and we talked about the end of life and other things. I told her about this one death I was present for and how calm and natural and beautiful it was so serene a spiritual experience. I have never experienced anything like this before. Just as I was sharing it with her she paused and her eyes seemed to light up and she said this is a sign. I asked her what she meant and than the sunlight broke through the clouds briefly and she said the sunlight was directly on me. We share a spiritual moment together She said I have taught her a lot and just one of those deep connection moments because she has taught me a lot too. I don`t always feel resilient or strong despite what appears on the surface There is so many facets that makes up one person and only a small snippet is shared it differs unintentionally for each person we interact with. I don`t regret any of the political friction I created and for the most part it was fun and I enjoyed what I did. It made things better kinder for those who were beaten down by a horrible system and the people committing the abuses. I was taught by them and used this knowledge by flipping it around and sometimes at night when I would sleep I would dream and awake knowing answers and the solutions. One adversary once asked me if I could read minds she found it uncanny that I knew what their collective was thinking and circumvented before it could be deployed. I kept all these documents and exchanges evidence or book material or teaching tools ah I have experienced a lot of strange things over time and always looked for a practical explanation logic A few years ago now 2021 I was thinking about this today when I woke up. The power had gone off early that night so I went to bed I woke thinking how much I wanted a coffee, I looked over at the coffee pot, and there was a pot of coffee in spite of no power. It can’t work without power. I sat up in bed looking at it and the power was still off so I came out into the living room and than went outside on the deck. There was so many stars so breathtaking and the energy felt so good It was when I later found all those links to several websites and some nefarious code in facebook and how can this be explained. Sigh I dunno But the spiritual essence was so incredible and strong Later I reconnected with family members without revealing my personal experience they told me what they experienced and the healing of our severed relationship the past was gone. We talk about it now and I shared quantum entanglement with them and told then the story of when I was living in the woods and yeah. I saw the word quantum entanglement in a dream and later that day I found that book in the bark lake mall. How weird And than I goggled it and read articles on it the spooky action by Einstein Once we interact or collide those bonds are never severed regardless of time space or distance good or bad online or in real time Science is slow to catch up or be open enough to see someday perhaps At times like this, I am thankful to just be me with all my flaws, imperfections, and quirks. Embraced by the universe What is sad is the years that were lost cannot be recovered and it is what it is Wednesday, March 8, 2023 3:46:30 PM Nothing seems to be working today no matter what I do or the medications I take. I thought maybe as the day wore on I would find some reprieve but I think this is one of the worst days I have experienced since the first flare-up. It was short lived and the hospital stay was a short one. I don`t say anything to anyone because I am grieving for the life I am losing and there is nothing I can do Maybe if I was not so politically outspoken the outcome would be different today I just don`t know anymore Monday, March 6, 2023 3:18:25 PM Today is passing by so fast and it is what it is I am not sure what I want to do with the time I have left I don`t know if I am making the right choices an overthinker I always weigh all aspects of something before I put it in action. The crow was by this morning and it brings me so much joy to see him I wondered if I would see him again or if he would remember I am slowly adjusting to the new norm of what life has Wanting to make the time count I suppose and find some semblance of happiness savoring those moments where I experience a reprieve When I was younger I remember sitting at the dinner table with family and dad would say you cannot change the world and I would laugh and say but I can set it on fire. And mom would be in agreement with him and they would say if we offered you the stars and moon and the sun you will never be satisfied and again I would laugh saying it was the universe I wanted I look back on this today and wonder the why it was said to me and regret asking why this was said. Maybe because even than I was Sigh I dunno I was bullied a lot but I had enough and would find ways of fighting back but back than I had few filters (self-control) Over time, I learned temperance The skills we acquire through experience over time With the changes in the political climate things sort of fell into my lap and gained a reputation over time. I attended public forums and meetings and boards and just so many areas, started learning the laws regs and policies, and met people along the way who mentored me. Teaching the marginalized along the way because I know how it feels Even living here was difficult at first and some rough around the edges characters who over time have become allies I suppose actions speak volumes and I was never one to compromise that core essence of what I believed. I was open to new ideas or things I did not think about but that principal of fairness so deeply ingrained. I don`t need anyone to lead me or tell me Regardless anywhere on this globe as to who is placed into a leadership role they are mere puppets for the systems and the bureaucratic ensures that it functions as it was designed. Freedom ah really it is an illusion we hold in our thoughts I am confidant enough with who I am so I have no desire to attack anyone who does not support the same views this too is a freedom in some ways An art I learned from Andersen consulting how to make an enemy your partner when they were adopted into our political system with devastating consequences for single families and the poverty class. A half a million people in Canada lost No one was tracking but I was Ah Canada has such a dark side and hides it well I wonder the why with all of but I suppose not much of it matters now I walked away from so many things for the right reasons Choices Political persecution happens here in Canada too it`s just a little more subtle as in my case. Sunday, March 5, 2023 1:03:53 PM It`s a gray cloudy cool day and the snow is melting away slowly Yesterday was rough and waking up this morning sigh sometimes I wish either I wake up “normal” “healed” or not at all. I am still struggling and the support I have from the people in this community is such a blessing. I don`t know what I would do without their support or encouragement. I wonder if the universe is I may not have this if I had returned to the city and the view and being so close to nature keeps me going. I am tired and the doctor`s words surface as I write when she said that my body is just tired. The other advantage of being here is the amount of people I have been able to reach to assist and empower. Education because a good leader does not require the spotlight It`s the words of others that echo in my mind Saturday, March 4, 2023 6:32:51 PM There has been so much snow and the snowbanks are so high I moved the computer back into the living room it was in a small dark cold room. I did not use it as much I am listening to Serena Ryder sing and it reminds me of mom and of all those days when Serena and Spike would spend Halloween at our house. So many memories Maybe I just resigned myself to this current state It`s not that I have given up I am just tired of the constant struggle it shouldn’t be this way. I think that those who requested the journals I write thinking maybe I wrote about them maybe. But mostly it was about life and how the system impacted people and so few stand up and yeah. I think about the online people I have interacted with and met some cool inspiring people and some deviants but I always knew I think of the hearts J broke and than just gone Addictions - because they are fragile souls who cannot withstand the harsh realities of the world sad and my heart aches for them I have a healthcare team that provides home support now because I am it is grief and I find emotions difficult Sometimes people don`t have the skills or education or not aware and I think for those of us who do know or have the skills or or we just need to reach out ah but that’s just me Bits and pieces of a mosaic a life Well so much for writing any of the thoughts I mull over in my mind never get written sigh